Back to basics: humans

I think that the time has come for me start blogging again, this time I won’t talk about politics and global affairs, but I would like to focus on human beings and how they interact with themselves and each other.

When I was 9 years old, I was involved in an incident that effected the way I interacted with the opposite sex for a very long time, for 12 years to be precise. Most of the people closest to me do not know about this incident, and those who did tried to help me overcome it.

The whole time I was trying to recover from the hurt this incident inflicted on me, it was always hard for me to get over how it was (whether fully or partially) my fault that it happened. If I had not been at that place at that time, it may not have happened. If I hadn’t reacted the way I did in the beginning, it may not have happened. And one of the things that helped me surpass my feelings of guilt was that I came to realize that I did not create that reality for myself. It was not my intent to get hurt the way I did. And it is not right of me to pass this judgement to all other men that were not involved in this specific incident.

It wasn’t easy, and I like to believe that I have moved on and am no longer paranoid whenever a guy looks at me, or shakes my hand.

It may be true that I no longer react harshly with members of the opposite sex and sometimes I am too lenient with my interaction just to prove that I have overcome my guilt. But the truth is, it still hurts. I am still afraid. I will always be paranoid. I’ve grown stronger and if another man tries to touch me without my consent I believe I have the ability to stop him. If a man ever tries to though and even if I manage to stop him, I am afraid the fear and pain will relapse and I will no longer be able to keep the “strong girl” show.

I’m not writing about this to receive sympathy from others even though I know most readers will sympathize deeply with my feelings.

I’m writing about this to ask my readers the question, what is it that makes us completely get over a certain incident that inflicted deep pain and hurt? In other words, how do you trust that the pain will not reoccur and that you have truly moved on?


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